Ending Bullying for the kids in our "Village"

Bullying Definition:
"Any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated. Bullying may inflict harm or distress on the targeted youth including physical, psychological, social, or educational harm" (www.stopbullying.gov). 

Types of Bullying:
Bullying can either be direct (face-to-face with victim) or indirect (behind victims back). Bullying can be physical (hitting), verbal (name-calling), or relational (social isolation). 

How to Identify Bullying: 
(Find more information at: https://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/training-center/training-module-2016.pdf)

1. Decipher between unwanted aggression and rough play. 
For Example: Two kids whom enjoy taunting one another in a playful manner should not be accused of bullying. 
A. "Unwanted" means that the targeted youth wants the aggressive behavior to stop. 
B. Identify the relationship between the two involved parties and the expressions, body language, and atmosphere.

2. Identify if aggression is a pattern of behavior or has a high risk of being repeated.
A. Has this aggressive behavior happened before?
B. Does this aggressive behavior have a high likelihood of being followed by more incidents of aggression?

3. Identify a power imbalance.
A. Physical Characteristics (age, size, strength)
B. Popularity or Association with Popular Peers 
C. Background/ Demographic Characteristics (member of majority/minority group, socio-economic status)
D. Abilities and Skills (academic, physical, artistic)
E. Access to money, resources, information
F. Being outnumbered
G. Presence of Weapons

As our Team ELM kids are growing, they are learning so many wonderful things about gaining independence in their lives to make decisions about their future, ranging anywhere from what kind of student they want to be to generally what kind of person they want to be. It's important to be active in expressing your expectations of them as they go into the world and become the person they will be. 

A topic of conversation that we would like to talk about as a community is bullying. Bullying has taken on many new forms in recent years with the integration of technology into our lives more and more. We have to be vigilant and we have to pay attention to our children and loved ones as they grow up in this society. Those who are victims of bullying tend to exhibit these characteristics and tendencies: "low self-confidence, anxiety, fearfulness, submissiveness, depression or sad appearance, limited sense of humor, below-average size, strength, or coordination, feelings of helplessness, self-blame for problems, social withdrawal and isolation, poor social skills, low popularity, few or no friends, and excessive dependence on adults" (eyesonbullying.org).

The best way to help your loved ones to reduce their risk of being bullied is to help them learn to exhibit self-confidence, avoid the bully's tactics, respond with assertiveness, and obtain support from others. As a community we have to get involved and take an active stance against bullying. Acknowledging the basic definition of bullying, identifying the signs of bullying, and finding ways to support the victims and educate the perpetrators are all the responsibilities of a community that wants to end bullying.

It's important to note that many who are bullied do not always share these details with others because it is stigmatized and can lead to perceived risk of further bullying or loss. Victims of bullying often feel powerless towards the individual(s) who are perpetrating the aggressive behavior(s).

There are unfortunately no specific step-by-step directions on how to ensure your children are not being bullied or perpetrating the aggressive behaviors. Becoming more knowledgable about the situation is the first "step" if you will and being proactive and supportive will ensure that your children know you care.
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If you believe that your child may be a victim of bullying, please share with them that there are many things they can do to regain their power and they don't have to do it alone. Help them to recognize that it is not their fault and that it is not okay. Have them talk to a counselor or teacher at school or trusted adult at home about the situation. 

​Your Team ELM Babysitters are always here for you and want to support our families in every way we can. Keep your babysitter in the loop about developing problems so that they can help be part of the solution. If your child needs someone to talk to, we are always here for them. Encourage them to talk to us (if they are not willing to talk to you or an "adult"). I'm sure you've heard the phrase "It takes a village." We are thankful to have the opportunity to be part of your village. 

​xoxo, Team ELM

Just a reminder:
Team ELM kids are SUPER!!!!!
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